You probably think I'm going to waste some time breaking down the Iowa results. 

Nah.  I'd rather talk about an asshole who's already getting the "new George Santos" moniker, Nashville's own Andy Ogles.



This here son of a bitch.

That's William Andrew Ogles IV, from a long line of Ogles, as Andy brags, his "deep family roots in Tennessee dating back to the founding of the state".  So, slaveowners and lynchers, basically.  Bred right of Maury County, south of Nashville, which has a history of at least two nationally known lynchings, in 1933 and 1946, and where more recently Jason Aldean decided to locate his own ode to sundown towns on the steps of the county courthouse.  It's in Ogles' blood.  On top of that, he's a fuck-up.

My favorite detail in dude's bio is how he happened to flunk out of Middle Tennessee State University twice, "failed every course taken in the fall of 1995 and the fall of 1998".  Now, I want to point out, if it isn't obvious, MTSU is not the most rigorous university in the admitted hotbed of academia that is the state of Tennessee.  This guy couldn't even complete a semester in Western Kentucky University, which might be about the third most rigorous university in the modern Athens that is southern Kentucky.  Even a community college gig in rural Columbia, TN yielded no paper.  Ogles did, eventually, manage to graduate from MTSU, on his third tour, at the sprite age of 36 (lol), with "a general education degree typically for those who cannot settle on a major".

Nashville's 5th district has traditionally been held by Democrats, an oasis of blue in a very red state.  In 2021, the district was gerrymandered by the conservative state legislature, essentially split into three adjacent and more rural districts.  Ogles then became the first Republican to win the district since literally Reconstruction.  And what a hell of a job he's doing.  His signature legislative accomplishment, so far, is catching an Ethics investigation, which is pretty impressive for your first year in office.  On his congressional financial disclosure forms, Ogles claimed no checking or savings accounts.  Dude owns a farm, and doesn't bank?  But apparently this discrepency wasn't enough strain on the eyebrows until it was noted that, despite not having any banking accounts, Ogles managed to loan his campaign about $320,000 dollars, out of his mattress or something.



(Bustling downtown Culleoka, TN, where Andy Ogles kicks his shit.)


Andy Ogles' ethical deficiencies go beyond his humble finances however.  Like most fuck-ups, he's also full of shit, mostly about covering up being a fuck-up.  In his fairly recent national profile, he's claimed that his university studies involved "policy and economics", claimed to have "an MTSU degree in international relations, with minors in psychology and English".  He also claimed to have worked as an economist, and a "nationally recognized expert on tax policy and healthcare".  Turns out that he wrote a couple of articles while a lobbyist for a some anti-tax advocacy groups.  But the real sweetness, maybe not as sweet-ish as Santos, but pretty tasty, is that when local Nashville truth vigilantes, NewsChannel 5, obtained and published Ogles actual MTSU general degree, showing that he had not in fact majored in international relations, or anything else particularly, Ogles claimed to be just as confused as anyone, saying he had "only learned then" from reviewing his transcripts what his actual degree was in.  But I'm not saying he's stupid just because he couldn't be bothered to look at every little word on his college diploma.  I'm saying he's stupid for thinking he could get away with it.

What else?  Oh!  He's also claimed to be "a former member of law enforcement" who "worked in international sex crimes, specifically child trafficking".  Again, on the beat, "NewsChannel 5 reported that Ogles was a volunteer reserve deputy with the Williamson County Sheriff's Office from 2009 to 2011, with his position revoked for failing to meet minimum standards, failing to progress in field training, and failing to attend required meetings."  Despite claiming to be "heavily involved in the fight against human trafficking", "the Williamson County Sheriff's Office said that records do not show Ogles trained or worked against international sex trafficking as a reserve deputy."  I imagine that anything "international" would involve an officer with at the very least interstate authority, not some cow-catcher in Cool Springs.  So possibly the confusion is that Ogles was once a COO of a non-profit, Abolition International, "which described its work as giving grants to holistic ministries" in "several countries", but although Ogles had claimed that his job there was "overseeing operations and investments", Abolition International tax records showed that his job was "a part-time position that paid him $4000 in total".  Ogles would blame this confusion on "someone looking to write a story".  Hm, "someone" indeed.

Oh, you think I'm done?  One last bit.  A true tragedy.  "In 2014, Ogles and his wife had a stillborn child."  Nothing to laugh about there.  But then he set up a GoFundMe to raise money for a "child burial garden", and ended up keeping the nearly $25,000 for himself.  So, when caught, he blamed Obamacare.  Then he said he hadn't spent the money yet, before saying that he actually had, to pay for other unnamed children's funerals.  His story was corroborated by TN Republican donor, Andy Miller, fresh off of paying his own federal fraud settlement for $7.8 million dollars.

Reconstruction, folks.
 

It's discouraging how the studio audience is so lukewarm to this sketch, but I think it's one of the better written pieces in recent SNL memory.  It's frightening. in fact.  And that's why the relative silence makes all the more disconcerting.  "Red flag?"  Yeah!  "Let's spin the chamber."  God damn, exaclty.  I don't think these children understand.  But I appreciate someone over ther finally writing it all out. 



 

I'm guessing this eventually gets appealed up to the Supreme Court, so I'm not opening all the champagne, but it's definitely something worth celebrating.

Jinnistan wrote:

As I pointed out in the Trump thread...
 

Where's the Trump thread? 😆

Bernie.




Because: Bernie. 

I like how he slipped in a little chiding about overemphasis on speculation.
"I know. I watch CNN. That's all they talk about."